Not My Will But Yours

Its past 3 am in the morning. I couldn’t sleep. So I came here to write, to listen and to remember that I need to live by faith and not by what I see.

My dad told me two marble-sized bumps had suddenly grown on his neck last week. They weren’t hard and didn’t hurt. He didn’t feel any pain. He’ll be seeing the doctor this week to get them looked at.

How did I take it? Me who was over 100 miles away, busy with homeschooling and running the household?

I said, it’s okay, Pa. Let’s see what the doctor has to say. Are you sure you didn’t overexert yourself? No, I didn’t. I rest often, don’t work too long…and so the conversation went…

If you’re a “long-distance” caregiver like me and the one you’re caring for is your dad or someone you love, I’m sure you know what I mean. Trying to deny what’s happening and yet knowing deep in your heart, it’s one of those little paths you know you’ll need to go down through someday. It’s hard.

Part of me wanted to drop everything and fly over there. Or bring him here to the city with all its doctors, the gleaming facilities and clinics and state-of-the-art equipment…that can help him. So I struggled within and cried my eyes out because I couldn’t do either.

And God reminded me, he doesn’t belong to you, you know. By the way, in case you’ve forgotten, you’re not Me either. You asked me to take care of him, and you said you trusted Me to do it…and that was when it finally got through the fog in my heart and brain. Live by faith in Him. Not by what I see. Trust HIM.

In the past my prayer would always be, heal him Lord please. Tonight, for the first time I said, not my will but Yours be done. And I praised my Lord for all that He had done and all that He is going to do in the midst of the storm.

Now I’ve come to the end of my story. Here’s the song I listened to as I wrote, I hope it encourages you as it did me.

 

I will offer to thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and will call upon the name of the Lord. Psalm 116:17

Copyright notice: Dark blue ribbon device from http://www.cliparthut.com/

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2 thoughts on “Not My Will But Yours”

  1. “And God reminded me, he doesn’t belong to you, you know. By the way, in case you’ve forgotten, you’re not Me either. You asked me to take care of him, and you said you trusted Me to do it…and that was when it finally got through the fog in my heart and brain. Live by faith in Him. Not by what I see. Trust HIM.”

    Powerful insight.

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